On (or Un-) Wavering Goals

If you know me personally, then you're likely aware that I spent my Valentine's & President's Day holed up in the ER suffering with appendicitis. I went into an ER on Valentine's Day evening and left mid-day President's Day missing that silly and painful appendage.

My surgeon told me I would be out of work for at least two full days, but I could consider going back on the third day. That didn't happen. I spent a whole week out of work and had some hours out the next week as I healed.

My appendicitis "ruined" a trip to Walt Disney World (it has since been refunded and rescheduled for later this year), cancelled a work trip to my favorite conference, and knocked me out of whack with my half-marathon training routine. Needless to say, I was a bit frustrated.

The day before my surgery, I'd run 8 miles with my favorite training group and stuck to a pace that is good for me. It's the pace I'd hoped to run the majority of my half-marathon at, allowing me to have a phenomenal PR (personal record). For everyone who might not know me, I am a slow runner and I'm also pretty new at it, so PRs are easier to come by right now than they will be if I stick this out for a few years. Despite that, I was actually training with a certain time goal in mind and was alternating running outside and monitoring my pace and perceived exertion and running inside on the treadmill for some strict interval training. It was the most serious I ever was about accomplishing a goal.

Lo and behold, appendicitis took it out of me. I didn't run for weeks. The longer it took for me to get back to running, the more nervous I was about how much I'd lost because of my surgery... so I put it off even longer. When I finally met up with my running group again, I'd missed about 4 weeks of training. I went out for the 11 mile run and reminded myself if I didn't make it the whole way, it would be okay. I did accomplish 11 miles, but many of them were walking, and most importantly, it was a mental challenge the WHOLE way. I was beyond frustrated.

I seriously thought my PR dreams were out the window. Attempting to be as positive as I could, I set my sights on my next half marathon instead. I spoke with the coach for our running group, and I recalculated and re-calibrated my measure for success for this half marathon. I decided to try to have the best time possible and encourage runners around me with High 5s. I rolled up to the half marathon with supportive texts and notes from my best friends, my husband, and our coach. I was ready to rock and roll with positivity and cheerfulness.

At the packet pick-up rocking my awesome "Run Your Happy Pace" shirt my friends help me make.

I got to the starting line in downtown Oklahoma City and saw the pace group options. My first half marathon was a 2:59:52 and my second was a 3:04-something. I was looking for a 3-hour pacer thinking I'd accomplished around that time before, but there wasn't a pacer for 3 hours. I lined up with 2:50 instead. The pacers told us they'd be using a Run-Walk method with 2:00 minutes running and 0:30 seconds walking. I thought that sounded doable, and reminded myself that if I needed to hang back there was no shame in that as long as I smiled along the way.

The start/finish line was next to Chickasaw Bricktown Ballpark... Yay real bathrooms!

Well... I did it! I got a PR! First, I counted 63 high fives, but at mile 11 there was an aid station sponsored by a local running store, and they created a High 5 tunnel! I lost track at that point but honestly think I ended up with over 80. I did lose my pace group towards the end, but I am happy to report I crossed the finish line at 2:51:12!! My husband was there at the finisher's chute to cheer me on, and I started crying. While it wasn't my dream race or my dream circumstances, I am so proud that I wavered in my goal to allow myself time to heal and have fun, but kept a mental note of what I really wanted from myself.

Me with Staci, our running group coach!
When she saw me and I told her I PRed, she cried with me.
Also, she PRed too! What a wonderful day! 

I had an amazing time seeing my favorite neighborhoods of OKC on foot. More importantly, I was able to celebrate my personal victory with our running team coach who has been so selfless in cheering me on and cheering me up this entire training cycle. I hope to continue working towards a faster time, but more importantly, I hope to encourage others as much as she has encouraged me. She was seriously a ray of sunshine every single early Saturday morning. And I respect that beyond belief.

My medal on display... one of these things is not like the other!

(Oh, and really, check out how big those medals are! It nearly covers my whole face... totally worth the pain I'm in today!)

The Right Place

Recently I attended a conference for work which has wholly confirmed that I am in the right place. To be clear, I don't believe in fate as much as I'd like to. I mostly think everything is just a coincidence. I love to follow my gut and feelings and see where they take me. Thankfully, they led me to a career in Student Affairs.

Before I began in Student Affairs, I debated for a little while if it was really my calling. I went back and forth between it and Public Health for a little while, but I finally landed on Student Affairs. I went from being an #SAGrad to an #SAPro a little over a year ago. Some days at work, I still think, "is this really for me?" (Mostly, the answer is yes.)

But this last weekend, I attended the NODA (the National Orientation Directors Association - they focus on Orientation, Transition, and Retention programming) Conference for my region. I took our 8 executive board student members with two of our other professional advisors for orientation programming. I was able to watch my students connect with others, learn a lot, and return to our university passionate with ideas to make a change. It was a lovely thing to see.

More importantly, for me, I felt the click of "this is right where I should be!" I went to a session that overwhelmed me with a feeling of confidence. It was one in which we were able to give feedback on NODA's competencies. Apparently a team has been working on writing them for 2 years, and they're finally unveiling them for feedback from wonderfully impactful people in our field and to little people, like me! After reading through the competencies, which are broken down into areas and then levels of Basic, Intermediate, and Advanced, I felt really good about my place. With only a single year of full-time professional experience, I felt very firm in my roots in the Basic competencies. There are some areas which need more work, but overall, I'm good.

Just prior to this session, I text my mentor and friend, Emily, and asked her when I would stop feeling like an imposter. Sometimes I suffer from Imposter Syndrome and think I'll never be good enough. But with her positive response and this session, I realized, I'll grow into it. And that is a very lovely feeling.